Life

I am posting this post to remember how i feel at this moment and to remind myself everytime life sucks me back in.
A lady in our ward passed away yesterday and left three kids and a husband. I didnt know here very well but i was so touched.... I think its because now i am a mom and what would happen if i never got to tuck dyl into bed ever again or kiss his sweet face or worse see his smile. I started thinking about life, prioritys, and most of all my family. I want my family to know i love them more then words could ever explain. I cried to Jon just telling him i didnt want to die... Pregnancy hormones still i say. But i didn't want to miss out on dylan and our family growing up together. I want dylan to know that he had been the greatest blessing in my life and i love him more then i ever thought would be possible. Life is harder for sure but so much more rewarding. That is how it is in life the things that are hard and challanging are always what bring the best rewards.  I want Jon to know i love him and appreciate everything he does for me from getting me a glass of water to working 11 hour days and school. He is amazing and is my strong arm when i feel like i am falling. I am so thankful to be a mother and now realize even more how much my mom does for me i dont know where i would be with out her and my dad. It makes me so sad when i hear people say they dont want kids or dog on how being a mom would interupt there very busy succsessful life. I was so scared of kids but now i just sit back in amazement in my life. I have the greatest blessing anyone could ask for and it brings true joy! It is so hard but like i said i would never want it anyother way. I want people to know how joyus you feel when you child grabs your finger for the first time, when he sees you and smiles, when you hear him laugh. I think back on my life before dylan and i just wonder how i was ever happy. I love my little man and i would never want to imagine life without him. I work in a field that requires you to look good and i am glad for that but deep down i want to be a mom. I want to be covered in dylans kisses and slobber and i want him to hug me and pull on my hair. I want him to love me just like i love him. I want to make him lunches for school and go to kid movies with him. I want to be a child with him.... I dont want to be concerned with what i put on every day or what would make everyone happy. I want dylan happy that is what my focus is on. My favorite quote on this kind of thing is....
"I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails. I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp.
I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbors children.
I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone's garden.
I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder.
I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived."
— Marjorie Pay Hinckley
I feel so blessed right now... I know i have a baby who loves me for me no matter what and will smile everyday i come home to him. I have a husband who loves me stretch marks, weight, no make up and all. I have a parenting system that could not get anybetter. I know the church is true and i have a father in heaven who hears me and knows me. I have love in every angle of live. Who could ask for more?
"We women have a lot to learn about simplifying our lives. We have to decide what is important and then move along at a pace that is comfortable for us. We have to develop the maturity to stop trying to prove something. We have to learn to be content with what we are."
— Marjorie Pay Hinckley
"Home is where you are loved the most and act the worst." — Marjorie Pay Hinckley
"Be a Mother who is committed to loving her children into standing on higher ground than the enviroment surrounding them. Mother's are endowed with a love that is unlike any other love on the face of the earth."
— Marjorie Pay Hinckley
remember when...i didn't have stretch marks all over my body?
and i was 20 pounds thinner?
and i didn't have to get a babysitter every time i went out?
and my days didn't revolve around naptimes and bedtimes?
and i actually slept through a whole night without being woken up?
and i didn't have to change my clothes 4 times a day?
That was before dylan and i wouldnt change it for the world!